I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
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Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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