I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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