But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Enjoy the penises
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
