One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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