I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
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My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
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You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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