kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
