i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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