Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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