She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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