yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
