I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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