one might say we're banned from that church
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
