If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
