I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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