i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize