Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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