Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
