I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Everclear isn't food dammit
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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