I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
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I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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