It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
