K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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