wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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