We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
