at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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