the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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