also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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