I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize