I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
