I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
