i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize