Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed