maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
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She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
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On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.