Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line