just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
its like you know when i get waxed