does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
this will be a night to untag.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.