That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?