Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome