oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
