You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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