you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
