my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
