who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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