Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
