we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
