I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
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Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize