why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she told me i tasted like america
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
