I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
