i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
