i just had sex bonerless
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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