So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
