I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
