a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
