I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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