"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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