It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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