Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
