When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
