Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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