Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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