i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't think brook has ever known best
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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