I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
