we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Couch. On fire.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
