Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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