hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
