im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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